photo by Y3MBailey
I am going to be very real here, and lay it all out. I feel the need to be very transparent. There’s a shift that is occurring in me which is, for lack of a better word, pushing against ALL my buttons. I have been and continue to just “BE with it”. I am trying not to analyze, or over analyze it. This process over the course of the past couple of months definitely brought up some very real fears in me. Illusions built upon my ego’s own self-made understanding of the world. Things that in my heart of hearts I know not to be true. But I had to make the shift from reason to reality in Truth through this very process.
A few weeks ago I saw the movie, Slumdog Millionaire. First off… Wow! Wow, wow, wow. Simply amazing! If you haven’t seen it, go see it. If you are ”on the path”, DEFINITELY go see it! You will know why I say that only after you’ve seen it. Watch it with open eyes, heart and mind. It will speak to you. That’s all I’m going to really say about it for right now. But the reason I bring it up is because the question of ones Destiny is the running theme throughout the film… in Love, in Life, in the Journey.
That movie stirred a lot up in me. A LOT. Some things that have already been swirling about for a greater portion of my life, to say the least. Other things that have been stirred up more recently with recent new realizations about myself, my priorities and my purpose.
What IS destiny? Hell, I’ve been asking that question for what seems like a hundred years. More particularly, what is MY destiny… although the broader question is much more Universal. Why ARE we here??? To Live? Laugh? Love? Experience? Enjoy? Create? Explore? Be? Not Be? Learn? Teach? Grow? Move on? I would say yes to all of these things, but they are rhetorical answers to me. They do not satisfy the deep, burning question that I have so struggled with going back into the furthest memories of my life.
But what is MY destiny? Where am I being led? Sometimes, it seems so clear only to become so elusive again to my understanding. Perhaps it is in my ultimate trusting that the real answer lies. That is not a question. I know that part to be Truth (with a capital T). I have written and spoken upon it over and over again in so many ways during my own course in life thus far.
I have let go of so many old and limiting beliefs about myself and my life. The layers of self have been falling away like flakes of skin on the wind. Layers upon layers falling away. I am becoming more raw, more real, more authentic, closer to the Me I have been so long wanting to know. The “I” that needs nothing more than what is given. The True Self that wants to be free of the chains that he has allowed… no, actually chosen to shackle himself with these last 37 years while trying to fill the expectations of the world around him. Afraid to explore. Afraid to live on his own terms. Afraid to truly live a Life fully and fearlessly in the flow of Universal guidance.
Mine is the Life that is calling. Mine is the journey that is asking to be recognized. Mine is the longing in my heart that is crying to be free. I feel that I am on a precipice. I feel I am on the edge of a cliff looking over. Looking at the horizon just beyond my furthest point of sight. Where the horizon meets the sky. From where I feel destiny is calling me to… from… with a firm resolve that I can no longer ignore. Yet, it is only now that I have truly been able to hear it, now that the muffling layers of fear, doubt, and worry have been removed.
The words are strong and clear. Seek. Look. Let go. Leave. Search. Come to. Be with. Learn from. Learn with. Teach. Understand. Grow. Trust. Trust. Trust.
The banner in my head flies far and high in the air upon a ship with no rudder, guided only by the Wisdom that is within and the trust that all of life is a journey and in God, truly all things are possible. The inertia of my life is sweeping in vastly encompassing waves upon me. And soon I must let go of the fear that keeps me from riding the tide to my completion. To my understanding. To my bliss in the experience which is me in this World.
This is that Elephant I so poignantly spoke of in the my very first post on the pages of this forum. It’s tugging strongly in a new direction. Or really, a direction I’ve always been heading anyway… both inward and out.
To be continued…
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Hurray! Emancipation, free to be you, I get it. I too have come to a place of knowing.
I have experienced the flow coming from me, and the extraordinary love that I have felt for another. Not somebody I love easily, but someone who has made me crazy in the past.
I have so many ideas now of how I want life to go, and I know I am the creator. I stand now as me.
I really appreciate your honesty of your experience, and I say to you, “Fly Free Beautiful Bird! Fly Free!”
Thank you, Anne! I look forward to sharing the view from way up high along with you. Was just reading the intro to your book on your website. Looking forward to reading more. Thanks for visiting here and hope you will explore and visit more again soon!
Thank you for posting this! I have been on a similar journey with myself over the past couple of years. I have been tearing down the false pretenses of who I used to be, and have been searching for my “true” self underneath.
Recognizing fear as the great enemy has been helpful to me, and has allowed me to grow stronger and more “aware”. I have only recently begun to listen to my “inner voice”. The voice that you call destiny, I call Goddess, and She keeps telling me: “Love, love, love!”
Thanks for letting me know that I’m not alone in my struggle for self-awareness!
Thank you for visiting, Jay, and for your comments. You are NOT alone. This shared experience is actually happeninging in droves around the world all over and for some time now. I invite you to read my post “Where The Elephant Wants to Go” (Archives, Nov. 2007). I think that will well resonate with as well.
As we approach the full transition period in the next several years and going beyond, there will be more and more momentous occasions like this to share around the world, and within your own community. I encourage to find a community of like-minds to help support and grow you on your path. If you are in Atlanta, there are quite a few to choose from. Hit me up with a direct email and I will be happy to share. I am also working on a resource page for On Common Ground that will list such resources in the near future. In the meanwhile, check out http://www.meetup.com and search for “spiritual consciousness”, “awareness” or “meditation” for groups in your local area! A great resource.